“Yoga is the Journey of the Self,
Through the Self,
To the Self”~ Bhagavad Gita
Oh yoga, how you never cease to amaze me or teach me something new. Everyone I know has some sort of struggle they are dealing with at any given time. A crappy job, a health issue, angst with a family member or lover.
My latest battle is healing my heart after an abrupt and really tough break up. It has been almost a month since the fight that did us in happened, and yet it seems like we are already strangers. After the initial crying, sobbing, and not sleeping I have started to settle into a lull of enjoying alone time, space to myself, and doing whatever I feel like doing at any given time. I've done a lot of reading, writing, reflection and of course yoga.
Avoidance
I cannot deny that I started to see things unraveling a few months ago, but kept trucking along hoping we would be OK, knowing that something was off. My biggest red flag was that my yoga practice was suffering. Aside from teaching I was not keeping up with my own practice at all. A clear sign of avoidance for me. The quote 'Yoga is the Journey of the Self, Through the Self, To the Self' explains it all. When you really allow yourself to get lost in the breath and movement of yoga, it allows your mind to quiet from to do lists and expectations from the outside world, and lets you get in touch with yourself. Who you are at your core, who you were when you were a child, when you were pure, before anybody tainted Your World Vision of yourself and those around you. Before you were labeled as pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, dumb, smart, whatever the case may be. Before you put up on any sort of mask to fit in.
Self Discovery
What I have discovered is that I have been holding myself back in many ways, and used the relationship as my excuse. At my core I am someone who loves hard and needs a lot of love in return. This relationship was healing in many ways, and the comforts it brought were something I really needed, but I realize I was giving up too much of myself to keep things 'moving along'. I was reverting to old habits and not staying true my path and what calls to me. I am someone that lives my life deliberately, with purpose and meaning because that is the only way I feel alive. My fear of being alone and desire to have someone to share my life with kept me in a relationship that was not allowing me to grow beyond a certain point.
Seeing the signs
Since I was a kid I can remember feeling 'tuned in' to the world around me. Listening to my intuition, and going where it takes me. Noticing how I feel when meeting someone for the first time and filing it away for future reference. Walking into a room and getting an instant vibe on how the night would go. Since I am an ever curious individual, I have learned that I am an outgoing introvert, and a highly sensitive person (HSP). What does this mean? I am hyper aware, I can be easily overwhelmed in certain situations, and I need alone time to recharge. These revelations, so to speak, have all come to the surface in the 10 months my ex and I lived together, and the realization led me to really want to live life in a way that was not conducive to the relationship. In addition, I have received some pretty powerful messages from the universe because I am tuned in and paying attention. (more on this another time but pay attention to your surroundings and look up the meaning here) https://www.spirit-animals.com/spirit-animal-totem-generator/animals-as-messengers/
Moving forward
No matter how much we wish time would stop, it is the one thing that we need to move through and beyond hard times. Distancing ourselves from the person, place or thing that is bothering us can give us clarity and peace. Life is a gift that keeps on giving good, bad or ugly, and you can either go with the flow or fight an uphill battle at any given time. Yoga allows me to keep my internal peace, so that I can do my best to manage what life throws my way. This does not mean that I have found a fast track to healing my heart, but it does mean that I have a powerful tool for self discovery, self healing, and overall all keeping my mind, body & spirit aligned.
